69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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