That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
