a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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