Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
me + whiskey = a bad person
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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