Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
