Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
