I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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