we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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