You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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