Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
