Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
