I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
