people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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