Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They took my balls.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
