my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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