Just fell off a train. Bad.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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