that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
