She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
time to smoke my breakfast
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm really busy with my period
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