Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
