whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
