drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
