I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
