i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
