It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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