I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
