the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
