In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize