I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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