3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Shame is for Republicans.
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