Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
