Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
