When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
