I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
