the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
