i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When are your genitals available?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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