She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
