Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Define "chronic" masturbator.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

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(903): View more from Texas

omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

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(281): View more from Texas

Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal

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(205): View more from Alabama

Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.

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(720): View more from Colorado

The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!

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