we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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