I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
