pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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