she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm too high and old for this...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
