He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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