is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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