I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There are leaves in my underwear?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
