Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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