A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
