Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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