do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
