my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize