My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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