I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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