Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
