now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
