The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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