i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
