sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
