im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
