Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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