I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
