Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
