the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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