Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
