i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
