where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
