please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
